Do People Look at You Funny? How to Fit Into a New Culture

Image by MoonSoleil via Flickr

My family and I are going to be moving to another country this upcoming year. My wife and I are very excited about this amazing opportunity and cannot wait to live in a new place.

But, this is a little different then moving across town where you keep the same culture and are only adding a new home to your worries (although a new neighborhood is a new culture). Plus, my two kiddos will have to adjust to a brand new way of life that will be different from what they have known. And for kids the familiar is extremely important for the sense of safety.

I recently watched the movie The Karate Kid (2010) and the main character Dre (played by Jaden Smith) suffers from culture shock when his mom moves them to China. He finds out right away that things are very different from where he grew up in the United States. Because he doesn’t understand the culture he is bullied and very soon wants to move back to the States. Slowly he begins to learn the culture, with the help of a mentor, and he is able to better fit in by the end of the movie.

It easy for most people to think, “I am never moving to a new country so this is something I will never have to deal with.” But, all of us experience new cultures very regularly.

You experience a new culture anytime you: get a new job, move neighborhoods, go to a new church, go to a new gym, find a new restaurant you like to frequent, etc.

How to Fit Into a New Culture

Here are some ways to help you fit in to a new culture:

1. Be flexible. And no I am not talking about the flexibility that Smith’s character had in the Karate Kid. I am talking about being able to roll with whatever comes your way. A former organization I worked for had the motto “Flex or die.” We took groups into foreign cultures and if they were not flexible, the trip would be miserable for them. The same will happen for you if you are not willing to be flexible with your way of doing things. If you have a flexible mindset up front you will be able to make adjustments easier than if you reluctantly change. Remember, you are new to their culture; you have to change, they don’t.
2. Learn the language. Going to a different country means sometimes learning a new language and it is usually very obvious what the language is. If you move to France it is French, Greece it is Greek, Mexico it is Spanish, China it is Chinese. But when you join a new gym or frequent a new coffee shop it can be more difficult to pick up on the language. Every place has their own language and in order to fit in you need to learn it. This does a couple of things. One, you gain the respect of the people because they see that you are trying to learn their ways. Two, it helps you to communicate at a higher level and this will facilitate better relationships. So if the new language is not completely obvious, listen to the people and watch them. Pick up on how they speak and act.
3. Don’t think you are better than they are. I have seen this played out in a number of trips overseas. An American goes into a different country and proceeds to tell the people their way is a better way to do something. Thus, offending the people they are visiting because they have done it that way for longer then the USA has been a country and the person doesn’t realize how their way of doing it is so much a part of their culture. When you enter a new culture learn from them, don’t try to teach them your way (at least not until you have gained their respect and trust). You will gain their respect and trust much faster by listening and learning from them. Put them first and make yourself second. Plus, you will often learn a new way to do and see things that will broaden your understanding of what you already know.
4. Have fun. Be able to laugh at yourself. You are going to make mistakes and you are going to stick out like a sore thumb. Instead of focusing on how difficult it is to get things right, have fun with it. Some of my richest experiences in life have been when I was immersed in a new culture. Part of the reason came from my willingness to have fun with it. I did not take my pride as something to hold on to. Laughter and fun are universal languages, everyone (well almost everyone) loves to have a good time. I don’t care if you are from Argentina or Rwanda, people generally like to laugh. So if you are able to do it yourself, it will be infectious and others will want to be around you.
5. Have someone to talk to about the difficulties. There is usually a point at which you will long for the old culture. During this time it is a great idea to have someone you can talk to about your difficulty. This person doesn’t need to be an expert, they need to be someone who listens. If they can offer some valuable advice that is great, but the best thing for you is to feel free to open up to them. Just telling someone about what you are experiencing will help alleviate some of your stress.

Moving into, or experiencing, a new culture is very difficult and can be very frustrating. At the same time it can be one of the richest and rewarding experiences of your life. These suggestions should help alleviate some of the difficulties. But, there will always be bumps in the road. Use the bumps as learning experiences and try not to make the same mistake twice.

Remember, be flexible and have fun with it!